Thursday, 2 October 2008

Daily Candy Fictionary

Despite being decidedly uncool, unhip and unhappening myself, I'm still rather a keen occasional visitor to the resolutely cool, hip and happening pages of Daily Candy, a free daily e-mail newsletter and website, which describes itself as:

'the insider’s guide to what’s hot, new, and undiscovered — from fashion and style to gadgets and travel. As useful as it is entertaining, it’s like getting an e-mail from your clever, unpredictable, and totally in-the-know best friend. The one who knows about secret beauty treatments, must-have jeans, hot new restaurants — and always shares the scoop.'

I tune in to the London edition, which is the only UK version. I love the illustrations as much as anything, but the articles are generally well worth a read.

I've been particularly intrigued by the regular additions to the site's Lexicons of made-up words. And now the best of these 'words that don't exist but should' have been collected together in book format in the Daily Candy Fictionary - definitely one of those books which demands to be left in the bathroom or guest room, for idle dipping into.

Here are some of my favourite entries, grouped by theme:


Block-listed: adj. Permanently banned from all modes of virtual communication.

E-mnesia: n. The condition of having sent or receive an email and having no recollection of it whatsoever.

Laptopless: adj. Working on one’s home computer while semi-clothed.

Mouse potato: n. The wired generation’s answer to the couch potato.

Tone deaf: adj. Hearing your distinct ring tone even when no one is calling.


Conference crawl: n. The incredible physics-defying manner in which time slows down during a conference call.

Missenger: n. The inevitability that you’re in the bathroom when a delivery arrives.

Promotion sickness: n. The queasy feeling you get when someone really stupid gets promoted.


Carbonara footprint: n. Obvious and deleterious effects of overindulgence in creamy pasta dishes.

Cereal monogamy: n. A slavish devotion to one particular breakfast cereal.

Crapas: n. One of the many bad versions of the ‘small plate’ craze.

Haitress: n. Angry waitress. See also: haiter.


Biodebatable: n. 1. The questionable products that claim to be green. 2. Something that shouldn’t be worn just because it’s green.

Fossil fools: n. People who don’t realise the negative impact of their actions.

Organic panic: n. The sudden need to shop at farmers markets/carry reusable shopping bags/create a compost heap in your apartment.


Byosphere: n. ‘The mental space in which you happily pay extra for green, organic or eco-friendly products without blinking an eye.

Dressing tomb: n. The physics-defying, one-square-foot room in which you’re expected to remove your trousers.

Fabric-ation: n. The involuntary impulse to lie when the salesgirl asks what size you are.


Dressed to spill: adj. Used to describe a woman’s precarious and flirtatious state of dress, wherein a great deal more than cleavage will likely be revealed.

Nontourage: n. A group of undesirable sycophants.

Restaur-romp: n. A date that gets out of hand at a dinner table and or/bar area.


Arm restle: n. The ongoing battle waged with your seatmate over the middle armrest. Manoeuvres include ‘elbogarting’ (slow advance of the elbow to gain ground) and ‘recline and conquer’ (capturing the armrest during feigned or actual sleep).

Mathzheimer’s: n. The inability to calculate a foreign exchange rate without elaborate financial and/or tech support.

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